Recovering from winter

An exercise regime to rival training for iron man and a rigourous diet have been the name of the game this week. I have run my feet bare, even though the salesman who was convincing me that it is ok to spend so much on running shoes promised that these would not give me blisters, here i am after three years of owning the shoes still try to break them in (somewhat like one might break in an unruly room mate . . . Pea i am not talking about you). As part of my newly self inflicted torture regime  includeds running to town, a half an hour swim at local pool, this is made difficult by the fact that i am still not sure yet whether my name is actually on the list of members as when i was trying to sign up for it no one would take my money but the all seemed very happy to put my name on the list, and then finally i walk to wok where i try to recover in time to wlak home in the afternoon. So on my first day i head out not sure that i will actually be able to get into the pool as i have forgotten the code for the gate, when i arrive there as red as rudlofs nose after a bad tanning session and breathing like the world had run out of oxygen i casually ask a ground staff memeber who was about to enter "whats the code i seem to have forgotten"  i then try to scan all the cars to see if i can recognise what i think might be the trainners car . . . all clear so i sneak in and get into the pool as quickly as possible and then just keep my head down. I swim in a wetsuit with short legs and long arms, what is the significance of this you ask ? Well it simply is that this is also what i run down in covered by just a short sleeve shirt, winter has not been kind to me and so i fill out the wetsuit quite comfortably and so i imagine must look rather like a tubby seal running on two legs, if you see me let me know what you think. Just another perk of my new life style is that food has now become a luxary that i cannot afford to eat. I would be fighting a loosing battle if i allowed my body the food it needs, we have come to the agreement that when it learns not to hang on to every morsel its given then i shall start to give it food again. It has only been two days but i am already walking like an 80 year old man. Another grievance i have with new lot in life is middle age to old women thinking that they are attractive enough to just chill in their birthday suits in the change rooms, i'm sure that at that age even their husbands dont particularly enjoy seeing them like that. I have the decency to squirm around in my towel, tie my arms into a knot and 9 out 10 time kick my toe on the bech leg just so that you dont have to see a square centermeter of inappropriate nakedness, why can't you do the same? If you have decided to take up the crazy cause of getting bikini ready i say; good on you, i know your pain and we will get there together and for now just face the wall and keep squirming, they say you can't teach old dogs new tricks but i'm really hoping the ladies at my pool are the expection to the rule.

Just to brighten your day

A paraprosdokian is a  figure of speech   in which the  latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way  that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first  part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes  producing an anticlimax.
 

Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God  doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Ø    Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level  and beat you with experience.
Ø    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not  screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Ø    Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than  standing in a garage makes you a car.
Ø    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the  list.
Ø    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear  bright until you hear them speak.
Ø    If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Ø    We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Ø    War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Ø    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting  it in a fruit salad.
Ø    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the  cheese.
Ø    Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then  proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ø    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many  is research.
Ø    A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a  train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Ø    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it  takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Ø    Some people are like Slinkies .. not much good for anything,  but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Ø    Dolphins are so smart, within weeks of captivity, they  can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Ø   I  thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Ø    A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that  you don't need it.
Ø    Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an  emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
Ø    I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø    I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I  said "Implants?"
Ø    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion  stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Ø    Women will never equal men until they can walk down the  street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are  sexy.
Ø    Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president  and 50 for Miss America ?
Ø    Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a  successful man is usually another woman.
Ø    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Ø    The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good  ideas!
Ø    Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it  back.
Ø    A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a  way that you will look forward to the trip.
Ø    Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Ø    Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to  live with.
Ø    I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be  devoured by a big shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my  foot.
Ø    Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they  go.
Ø    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Ø    I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon,  and a shot of tequila.
Ø    When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire  Department usually uses water.
Ø    You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø    To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever  you hit the target.
Ø    Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Ø    Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have  no imagination whatsoever.
Ø    A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it  as when you are in it.
Ø    Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Coffee @ Haricots - 5th November 2010

Friday was shaping up to be a pretty busy day: Pea's (my best friend of 5yrs, pea being the latest nickname) boyfriend was arriving in the afternoon,this meant that the mandatory straightening of the hair was going to occur and so i had spent the better part of thursday night burning my hands with a GHD. Added to this i was recieving the exam marking i was required to do and so now actually had to earn my salary instead of just spending hours on facebook, we had also organised to go for coffee with friends B and Ren at haricots to give Ren her belated birthday present, after that we had a birthday party to attend at the Rat and Parrot for a collegue of mine.Primrose our cleaning lady was due to make another apperance and that always made fridays interesting as she mangaed every week to do the exact same task in a different way meaning that when i got home and expected to find all my clothes folded on my bed as she had done last week now they could very well be in pea's cupboard . . . just for our amusement ;) With all this planned for the day when i finally got to bed on thursday night after cursing the GHD, Pea and her want for straight hair and generrally just the fact that our hands could burn rather than just being heat resistant i was exhausted and dozed off pretty quickly. Friday started of pretty well i was just about to jump into the bath when i heard one of my favourite sounds; primrose knocking on our door . . . today my room would be clean again :) anyway i had quickly to wrap a towel around my waist and run down stairs no sweat i was used to her arriving just as i had undressed. the mornign went smoothly got my marking started and was so bored with in half an hour i would rather have been burning my hands with that damned GHD again. I was waiting for 12:00 to roll around as i could then take lunch and go and find out how Shan (my younger sister) had done in her exam that day. For this to mean anythin i have to explain that she has been freaking out to the point that i felt it best to just drug her and so had early that week gone to the chemist to get her rescue, i had planned to steal a few tablets but the only had the drops, anyway i arrived at her digs to find what looked in comparison to what i had seen earlier that week at completely stoned shan: wide tied eyes that seemed to react 30secs late. I'm getting off track but needless to say although she thought the exam was not great her emotions, now controlled by the rescue, seemed to scream i am so fine with that !! Went home for lunch to find primrose was busy hiding my stuff all over the house again but at least it would be clean poped back to work for half an hour and then picked up Pea for coffee at harricots. In the mean time it had started raining which now left Peaand so by consequence me as the hair straightner in a pickle and the slightest moisture and Pea's hair would go home (return to its natural curl for those of you who dont have the title of Official Hair Straightener). What this all meant is that when we arrived outside harricots it was a wild dash to the door,look out bolt here comes Pea, so that Pea's hair remained in tact, there was a synchronised count down  . . . and on one Pea flung her door open and ran i follwed behind. In considering the rain and the best possible attack on the door to avoid the deadly rain drops we forgot the entire reason we came in the car and seeing as how i now had the super power of being immune to rain i was tasked with fetching the present from the car. The time at harricots was filled with lots of laughs one particular example being the "Chocolate Salami". Every time i had been to harricots previous i had wanted to try what they called "Chocolate Salami" i beg to differ as it tasted neither like chocolate nor salami it was the ugliest thing i have ever eaten and i preceeded to tell this to the waitress, very politely, but still my friend found this hillarious. Now you may be thinking "well if you order chocolate salami, you deserve what you get" but if i put it like this salami . . . mmmm... delicious and melt in your mouth aero bubbles then how could a combo of these to master peices be disgusting, but it was and so needless to say will never try chocolate salami again. The waitress obviously feeling something i have not yet understood decided not to put the choloclate salami on our bill, this only meaning that i now had to ask her to put it on so that i could pay for it this only leading to more laughter from my friends. After tea we parted ways Pea and I home to get ready and B and Ren to Rat for dinner, we had saidf that we may bimp into eachother but nothing could have prepared me for the eventual meet up. Standing outside Rat shortly after we arrived were none other than B and Ren who had now somehow acquired a semi stray dog (as its owner may have been in the rat) that they had called the S.P.C.A to come and fetch. They had a small tuppaware of water which the dog was not at all interested in however when the waitress brought out a steak that would have made your mouth water the dog no longer looked so sorry for itself, as it gulfed down the steak. It was still raining and so as we chatted to them outside Pea was still trying to protect her hair by standing under an awening. We left them with the dog and said goodbye to the crazy scenario that was unfolding outside as people walking past noticed the dog, after a few more drinks it was time to head home hope into bed and kiss the back of a well lived friday goodbye. hope your friday was as eventful . . . till next time live like there is no tomorrow